Here’s the situation: someone, maybe one of your kids, has something overdue. You call the library and politely ask that they tell you what it is so that you can go look for it. AND THEY WON’T TELL YOU WHAT IT IS! They tell you that YOU have to have the library card number so YOU can find out what your own kid needs to bring back so that YOU don’t run up a bunch of fines. Whose idea was this?

Well…we have this policy about not revealing to anyone (at least without a court order) what anyone else happens to be reading or watching. That means we won’t tell parents what their kids are reading, and we won’t tell kids what their parents are watching. The policy is based on a philosophy that goes clear back to Saint Lawrence the Librarian, who was martyred in A.D. 258 for refusing to tell the Roman authorities who was checking stuff out of the Church library. After all, if the Romans had a list of borrowers from the Church library, they would have a list of Christians all ready to persecute. One stop shopping.

Anyway, Saint Lawrence wouldn’t squeal, and, according to legend, the Romans were so angry that they grilled him, literally (which is why he’s also the patron saint of cooks). Supposedly, at the moment of his death he told them (this is so cool) “Assum est, inquit, versa et manduca,” or, “This side’s done, turn me over and eat!” The moral of the story is, sorry, we can’t tell you what anyone else has checked out. If you want to keep track of your kids’s stuff, or even your parents’, write down their card number so you have it.

The Feast Day of Saint Lawrence is August 10^th, and if you feel like celebrating along with the library community, we recommend that you throw a barbecue. Here’s a good barbecue recipe from the Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook:

Snappy Barbecue Sauce

1 cup catsup
1 cup water
¼ cup vinegar
1 tbsp. sugar
1 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. celery seed
2 or 3 dashes bottled hot pepper sauce

Combine all ingredients in a saucepan. Bring the mixture to a boil; reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, for 30 minutes. Use to baste pork, beef, or poultry. Pass any remaining sauce. Makes about 1 ½ cups.

I was told, “you’ve got to read this book, it’s Nancy Drew meets Harry Potter and more!” That was enough to hook me, and I picked up the audio book edition of Flora Segunda: Being the Magical Mishaps of a Girl of Spirit, Her Glass-Gazing Sidekick, Two Ominous Butlers (One Blue), a House with Eleven Thousand Rooms, and a Red Dog by Ysabeau S. Wilce. Isn’t that the best title? It also accurately describes what the book is all about. On the other hand, there is so much more to this book. If you liked Harry Potter, read Flora Segunda. I bet you love it! Read it!

Librarians usually like to read books about librarians, and how could we possibly resist this title: Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians by Brandon Sanderson?! Come on! In the book, the main character Alcatraz Smedley learns that librarians manage knowledge in such a way that most people never suspect the existence of far more land on Earth than the usual seven continents. He has to do battle in a library against the evil librarians. Fun stuff.

Have you tried The Spiderwick Chronicles or A Series of Unfortunate Events? Both have a similar feel to Harry Potter. Perhaps you’d like one. Also, you could try a series of books by Phillip Reeve that starts with Larklight, or The Revenge of the White Spiders! or, To Saturn’s Rings and Back! : A Rousing Tale of Dauntless Pluck in the Farthest Reaches of Space. I find that title even more amusing than Alcatraz Vs. the Evil Librarians.

Here are a few other young adult or kids’ authors and series you might want to check out if you’re looking to expand your horizons beyond Harry Potter.

Patricia Wrede

Phillip Pullman’s His Dark Materials series

Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer

Theodosia and the Serpent of Chaos by R.L. La Fevers

Let’s say you’ve read all the Harry Potter books, seen all the movies, even listened to the audiobooks and read all the books we recommended on Friday. What could you possibly do next? Below are some adult novels with similar themes or atmospheres to the Harry Potter series. We’ll look at what the kiddos (and the young at heart, too) should read later this week.

First, we have to recommend the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde. Set in a slightly surreal version of Great Britain, these books star Thursday Next, a Special Operative in literary detection. She can jump into and out of novels, arrest nursery rhyme characters, and solve the greatest crimes in literary forgery and alteration. Her father is a rogue member of the Chronoguard, a section of the government charged with keeping history on track. Her sometime partner is Spike, a vampire-hunter. Try The Eyre Affair; it’s the first novel in the series. You’ll find the books rollicking, funny and imaginative.

Next on our list are the Hitchhiker’s Guide books by Douglas Adams. Starting with The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, they travel through space with last human Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect, a roving researcher for an intergalatic travel guide. These are fun books with a wicked British sense of humor, where the absurd is as likely to happen as anything.

Our other recommendations include Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke, the Amelia Peabody books by Elizabeth Peters, and Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchet. Any one of these books is filled with magic, mystery and good times.

Harry Potter’s birthday is coming up, but for the first time in years, there is no new Harry Potter book coming. What are we going to do without him?!? First, we’d like to recommend re-reading all 7 books in the series. Just in case you don’t already know, here they are, in order:

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Try listening to the books on CD this time around. All 7 have been recorded by Jim Dale who is a fantastic narrator; everyone agrees. Read this New York Times article about his wonderful abilities if you don’t want to take my word for it!

Maybe you’d like to further your understanding by checking out The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the World of Harry Potter. Or perhaps you would like to explore how the magical world was created; take a look at The Sorcerer’s Companion: A Guide to the Magical World of Harry Potter. This book “explores the true history, folklore and mythology behind the magical practices, creatures, and personalities that appear in J.K. Rowling’s” books. Try Harry Potter and Philosophy: If Aristotle Ran Hogwarts.

There is even The Science of Harry Potter: How Magic Really Works. If you’d ever thought “maybe it could really happen” then this book is for you. The author explains the scientific foundations that lead to magic and how we can reconcile the magic to the world.

We have a whole slew of books here to quench your Harry Potter thirst! Stop by and pick one up, or come to the library on Tuesday for a Harry Potter birthday party. We’ll have trivia and treats (ages 12-18, registration required).

We started thinking about elephants today. No good reason, just elephants are neat. The funniest jokes are about elephants. Question: How do you get down from an elephant?

Answer: You don’t get down from an elephant; you get down from a duck!

We came up with a few books about elephants.If you want a complete list of everything the library has that has anything at all to do with elephants, click here. Or, you can check out the books we remembered for some super-sized fun. Why not think about elephants for a while?

Modoc: The True Story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived.

Q: Why do elephants wear red hats?

A: So they can hide in cherry trees without being seen.

Jumbo: The Greatest Elephant in the World

Q: Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?

A: No? See, it works!

Elephants: A Cultural and Natural History

Q: How do you get an elephant into a cherry tree?

A: You plant a seed and make the elephant stand over it.

The Cowboy and His Elephant: The Story of a Remarkable Friendship

Q: How does an elephant get down from a cherry tree?

A: You don’t get down from a cherry tree; you down from a duck!

The Astonishing Elephant

If you’ve got any elephant jokes to share, put ‘em in the comments! We love the elephant jokes.